Akron/family and some New Year's Intentions

This year, I have decided to make New Year's Intentions. I'm not much for resolutions. Resolutions means that things are decided. I'm very, very bad at deciding anything twelve months in advance. While I usually forgo the process altogether, this year I decided to make a few intentions for the year. Things that I would like to keep mindful of and work on throughout the next twelve months... or until Armageddon starts...

The list is very simple. Four things to try to do this year:
1. be jealous of my own life
2. buy only used clothing
3. take a knitting class
4. sew more

By "be jealous of my own life", I just want to clarify that it's not self-absorption that I'm going for. So often, I read other people's blogs and think, I wish I had their clothes or I wish I lived in her house or had her relationship. This year I want to live a life that is fulfilling. I want to stop being jealous of others and be jealous of what I've done. Intention #2 will require more thrifting (oh, boy, is that going to suck!) and lots of DIY upcycles of my own closet. #3 and #4 will aid in accomplishing #2 and also help fulfill the nesting urges I'm feeling lately. Besides, both are handy skills to have in life. How else am I gonna be a rad Grandma if I can't knit!?

Shelly and I went to see Akron/family. at the Hideout last week. It was definitely one of the better shows I've seen in recent memory. So far, so good on the being jealous of my own life!

Their harmonies were super raw.

...and full of heart.

Yet they still really rocked out. Shelly and I looked at each other at one point and said, "This year is going to rule!" With SXSW coming up in a few months and the endless summer of Chicago music, we really have a lot of great bands to look forward to. Definitely felt really jealous of my own life that night.

Austin + wedding

I got to go back to Austin recently because one of my oldest and dearest friends got married. I spent a whole week hanging out with friends and family.

Shuan and Ashty came to the wedding, too. They've known Sarah as long as I have and 16 years is a long time to know someone.

And I got to wear this gorgeous dress that I bought from this great etsy shop. It took me 8 months to find the right dress, but it fit perfectly and arrived so quickly after I ordered it. Now to find many more places to wear it!

And what would a trip to Austin be without a stop at Mother's Cafe. I dream about their Spinach Salad with Cashew Tamari dressing...

All in all, it was a successful trip. I mean, after all, she did say, "I do".

breaking

i'm tired of everyone breaking up.
breaking hearts, breaking connections, breaking
free of the confines of "nothing is working".
broken vows and broken promises leaving
broken pieces for someone else to pick up.
i'm tired of picking up.

henceforth may we all drink from the same chalice
and wake up entwined as the human spirit.
henceforth let us leave our promises and vows
in our hearts where they can't hurt anyone else.
henceforth we shall not fear the falling -
into pieces that cannot be put back together
because we are guarding that which can break us.

Your Protector

I met my destroyer on the train.
He was gaunt and wearing a trash bag blanket.
His eyes were bloodshot-tired.
He could barely speak.
I knew him instantly - he was born in my soul, after all.
He once broke my heart without trying.
He is now broken.

I met my rival at the front door.
She said, "I came to warn you ... he's not worth fighting for."
Her eyes were cold-calculated.
She could barely stand
- still, I knew her instantly.
She was standing where I used to, after all.
She once took without trying.
She is now taken.

I met my truth inside my home.
He was bearded and naked.
His eyes were kind-comfort.
He could barely catch his breath.
He spoke instantly - truth keeps nothing hidden after all.
He once saved me without even trying.
I am now saved.

clocks

all the clocks are melting
like i'm living in a
salvador dali painting.

even the metronomes can't keep time.

each carefully measured step,
filled with uncertainty--
conductor-less.

these days are unplanned phrases.

heart beats are telling
signals of tempo
with which to guide plans.

i have lost track of time.

it's better to just breathe,
in three part harmony
with the wind and the moon phases.

all of the clocks are melting.

somehow i get lost
and forget to keep
time when i am with you.

maybe

maybe there's too much on the table.
maybe decay has set in.
maybe we just didn't have enough time to finish and it's too late now.
maybe trying will make us sick.
maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.
maybe we've had enough.
maybe there's no room for more.
maybe we don't even want more.
maybe that's ok.
maybe.

thanksgiving

my stinging eyes see blurr-ed edges of tiny cities made of empty promises,
and all the little people, eating someone else's sacrifices, sitting at their tiny tables whilst their minds roam.
they are inside their tiny houses.
today they feast and give empty thanks.
tonight is for libations and debauchery.

my blurr-ed mind stings with slight reminders of empty promises.
and all the little notes, their tiny words meaning-less and less, ignite my collection of tiny sacrifices.
they are scattered on my torso.
today they smolder in my vacant chest.
tonight is for breathing without lungs.