15 minutes at the green eye

moments of silence breed your memory as a newborn regret to cradle.

when i am alone in stillness, i am harassed by the still-ness in my heart.

still wish you were here-ness.

still have so many what ifs-ness.

still hope you will come back-ness.

i create memories that never were in new places i go.

you felt like there's no love without sacrifice.

i shed tears and sacrifice myself on your altar daily.

the things that never were are what i miss most.

thoughts while listening to Radiohead on shuffle

full moon, just post-twilight sky.

breathe in and release.

it's the beginning of "that time" again.

(listening to exit music from the start this time,

just to be sure i get it right this time.)

first few autumn nights.

inhale and release.

just trying to see a few stars.

(trying not to disappear completely this time.

trying not to, "but for a minute, i lost myself" this time.)

clear skies, cool breeze.

suck it in, blow it out.

hand holding opportunity.

(not gonna rush it this time.

gonna do it just right this time.)

cutcutcut

she sees only that which she is not supposed to see.
vision is her scalpel; she cuts through scenes precisely.
she discards the scraps wrecklessly.
she has never recomposed them into a different picture.
she has exacto-ed her way to a world without fluff.
unrefined defines simplicity.

today's horoscope

Dearest Libra has once again won the favor of the stars. The price of this is the stars want to sculpt you to serve their own purposes. Sculpting details in your life is a painful process but the outcome can be inspired. There is a price to pay for allowing yourself to be the star's clay.

procrastination

it's amazing how fascinating the world is . . .
when you're supposed to be ignoring it.
stolen moments are an addiction that i just can't beat.
there's a fairy with a tiny pitchfork sitting on my shoulder.
she uses it to point out the best distractions:

a song
a picture
a little boy on the bus
a flower newly bloomed
a pretty girl on a bicycle

and i look, like a fool, at anything she points out.
and i think, like a fool, about it for a few borrowed seconds.
and i waste, like a fool, whatever "extra" time i might have had.

but it is a treat to do what you are not supposed to. . .

my arms and ears are always open,

even when i try to keep them closed.

my heart cannot ignore you,

despite my best attempts.

unconditional love.